The Really Stupid Game

This weekend I made plans to check out a new wine bar. When we arrived, the place was closed so we went to another random bar. It turned out to be my new favorite bar. There were very few women and many hot guys, most in my target age range of 26-32. They were for the most part chill and scruffy guys; just my type. I even saw one tall cute jewish guy wearing 'European' woven sandals.

So I went with a female friend and her male roomate. We got drinks and found a table in a corner and began to people watch. There was this one tall and lanky guy (with glasses) who I made eye contact with. I did the whole, make eye contact, smile shyly, and then look down. Over the next hour, the guy looked over A LOT, and at one point was fully staring. One of his friends was facing the opposite direction and fully turned 180 degrees to look over. I also caught his other friend at the table looking at me. So, my friends went to the bathroom, and I was alone at the table for like 10 minutes.... The guy never came over. WTF?! I am so sick of how lazy guys in LA are.

So, we went to leave, and these guys started talking to us. The one talking to me was conventionally very hot (sort of short though), and I wasn't really into anything he said. Here is a summary of our convo:

Him: "[something not decipherable]"

Me: "Do I hate men?"

Him: "No, are you hateing?"

Me: "Oh. No. I was just thinking."

Him: "About what?"

Me: "Why a guy would check me out for over an hour and never come talk to me."

Him: "Why didn't you talk to him?"

Me: "Because I shouldn't have to. Guys in LA get to date women normally above their league, and so they get lazy. It's totally ridiculous.....(etc)"

Him: "Blah, blah, blah, maybe insecure, blah, blah" (I stopped listening to him and started listening to the guy M was talking to. He was pretending he was bulimic. Hilarious.)

Me to M: "Hey, we should go..."

I am totally going back to that bar; it was like heaven on Earth.

Search for the Next Ex

Now that I'm single, I have been keeping my eyes open. I am not looking to seriously date or even hook up with anyone, but I have been noticing smart cute guys. The thing is, every potential or whatever guy I've met has a girlfriend of more than a year, a fiancee, or even a wife. The only single, cute, smart, and funny guys I know are friends of mine.

I brought up this theory I have about marriage the other day in lab, and surprisingly, this guy totally agreed with me. Basically, the theory is that when a guy is ready for marriage, he proposes to a convenient girl. For engineers, this usually occurs in grad school or when you have your first job. It's amazing how many coworkers get married. It's like when guys decide they are ready for something serious they fall subject to their lazy nature, and pick out a girl who is already around. My mother's first serious relationship was with a coworker, and she married our next door neighbor. I can't even think of anyone who is married or engaged who didnt meet at school or work.

I guess in a way its promising. I mean, I dont have to worry about finding my 'soulmate' or anything, I can just wait around until one of my coworkers decides he wants to settle down.

Karma Strikes (in a good way)

So I have been bummed for awhile because a couple of my friends have been going through relationship issues, I still didnt know what happened really with Ian, and school has been frustrating. Everything is so much better now.

1. I figured out what happened with Ian and am totally fine with it. I can't believe it took so long for me to realize what happened. I can't post it, however, because I am not sure he has figured it out yet.

2. This professor I have has been a total dick lately. First of all, I can't understand a word he says. He uploaded this code he has wanted us to use for two hw problems (we have only had three individual assignments so far). I told him the code he uploaded hasnt worked for me or some other students. The other students ended up getting a working copy from other students off a disk. I emailed my group, but nobody has sent it to me yet. The professor showed up more than 15 min late for class on Monday, so I left and ran errands. I turned my hw in the TA box. The prof sent me an email saying the code worked for everyone else and I shouldnt have put my hw in the TA box! Anyhow, I looked at the problem assigned this week and searched the web for equations. I found the exact same problem with the same numbers and same diagram. He totally copied it! It saved me two hours I am now spending drinking wine. Worst professor ever!

3. I was able to be a good friend to my friends in need and it's the best feeling ever. I feel like most people in LA will be your friend to party, but not if you actually need them. It's totally shallow and immature and I am so glad I am not like that, and am friends with a couple of people who arent like that either.

After my midterm tomorrow, I am packing for a fun-filled mostly-single girl's trip to Vegas! Only 3.5 weeks til summer research out of LA...

Progress? I Wish...

Alright, here's the deal. I used to be very emotionally unavailable. I was very protective of my emotions, and didn't trust anyone easily. I didn't even think it was possible for me to really love someone. It was too scary of a thought to be emotionally vulnerable.

But I did it. I loved completely and invested in a relationship. For the first time, I was completely happy and had no desire to look for anyone else. Now it's over. I think the most mature way to recover from a relationship that ended on good terms like this one, is to think fondly on the relationship and all the wonderful things that happened during it. You should be happy that you had the experience, and acknowledge that the other person is important to you. This is what I tried to do.

Unfortunately, even though Ian and I are on friendly terms, he makes jokes that are borderline mean. He is acting like he doesnt care about me and never did. I understand that he is doing this to make it easier for him to move on, but it may erase all the progress I have made emotionally. I am starting to doubt that he ever loved me. I am feeling like I put myself out there for nothing. I am regretting that I ever let my guard down. Instead of making progress, this may be backpedaling even past where I started. I have decided to go back to not giving a fuck about anything. It's so much easier this way. I didnt want it to be like this, but it seems like this is the only way it can be. I will have an even more difficult time entering my next relationship, if I ever do at all. I dont want to ever love someone again. I feel really stupid and refuse to put myself in that position again. It's really too bad, because it could be a million times better if Ian were more mature emotionally.

Over It

I think I have dealt with the breakup very well. Ian, on the other hand, has been acting like a weirdo. He is not even acting like a considerate aquaintance, let alone a friend. But anyhow, I made a list of 31 reasons (so far) that Ian wasnt a good boyfriend and posted them on my bedroom door. Surprisingly, I dont really even read them....I have been working out 6 days a week and getting my homework done EARLY. I have also reconnected with a bunch of old friends that I havent spent time with in several months. I am going out more now, but since I am not into meeting people at the bar, I bet it will be lonely nights for a long time (which I am so okay with). I am so stoked about the summer that I am practically counting the days....