I MUST Win

Thursday and Friday were not happy for me. I was in an awful mood and stressed about moving. Friday after work I finally finished moving my stuff to pikapp. Everyone was celebrating graduation/end of the school year. I ended up playing drinking poker at 230am (after moving). I wasnt so lucky at poker and was forced to drink some whiskey (yuck!). Then the guys and I went out to the basketball court. We played knockout. Okay, I havent played basketball in about 7 years. I still felt the need to prove my shooting skills to the 6 guys playing. I am intensely competitive, especially with males and sports. It gets really bad when Ive been drinking. I get loud; brag when I win, and get pissed when I lose. Its like the most important thing to me is that I am considered 'one of the guys'. Its very odd. Anyhow, I impressed a new-comer with my beer chugging skills (lost a bet), and won a round of knockout. The room I am living in for the next two months is the 'party room'. I only got 3 hours of sleep.

My 6.5 hour drive up north was long but well worth it. I love it up here. So relaxing. After 2 or 3 months in LA, I feel really uptight and anxious. Coming up here is so calming. Wine tasting and eating good food in the nice weather is amazing. This trip I even got to sing kareoke (my fair lady, frank sinatra, ace of base). I also got to see my AP US history teacher play in his rock band at a party thing. It was so fun. I like hanging out with my parents' friends. I also get to take home some kick ass wine (thanks!).

In other news: I started my research position; it will be pretty intense. I have to learn about a lot of new things before I even really start experimenting. Also, I have been spending some time with a tall Jewish guy. We come from extremely different upbringings, but he is sexy and makes me laugh.

Word I like: viscous, raging, intense, awesome, and esoteric.

The Never Ending Run

I ran a marathon last sunday, but havent written about it because I am depressed due to injury. A marathon, if you dont know, is 26.2 miles, the last 0.2 miles being the longest. I admit, I didnt train as long or as hard as I should have. But my only goal was to finish and I did. I cried twice. Once, at mile 23.5, when my left foot hurt so much I couldn't bear to run any longer. And the second time, at mile 24.5, when the pain became unbearable when walking. So I ran again. Now, you should know that I have a high pain tolerance. Last summer, when I broke both bones in my arm, I wasnt even going to go to the ER. When I pierced my tongue at the young age of 18 (by one day), I didn't even cringe. But constant, aching pain really gets to me. Last quarter I fell asleep with whitening strips on my teeth. The next three days were awful. Also, the pain of getting a tatoo is extremely uncomfortable. I prefer a quick painful injury to aching pain with every step/breath/injection of ink any day.

At the finish line of the marathon there was a complimentary beer. I was very stoked about this. I didnt cheer or talk most of the run, but when I saw a guy with a poster that read "7 miles to beer", I mustered up a "yah beer!". But I had to wait in line for this much awaited beer, and when I got it, it was a barely cold Michelob Ultra. How dissapointing.

Well, its about 3 days until summer break, and I couldnt be more excited. I got a research position, so will be spending much time on campus looking through a microscope. Ro will be returning from Oregon soon, and we will move into pikapp. Once my foot heals I am going to start training again. So there is a lot to look forward to in the near future.

Committment Issues

Outdoor Adventures: We know that you were interested in the program, since you submitted an application. Are you still interested? You didnt show up to the group interview, and we were wondering if you wanted to take the next step in the process. If you do, we would like to schedule an interview with you. Please call us either way.

Me: I have given the situation a lot of thought, and I am not ready to make a committment of this caliber. I dont know for certain what I will be doing next year. Hopefully, I will be doing research and applying to grad schools in the winter. I am just not sure there is room in my life for OA right now. I think the program is really great, and I hope you find some great guides.

I feel like I have had this conversation a few too many times.

Quote:

"Of all the stupid things I've done, you will be the last one" -the most awful musician that plays at the asylum. When she sings, I want to slit my wrists.