Opening Doors

There are a few (actually several) social instances that make me feel awkward, including, riding the elevator with others, having my personal bubble invaded by a close-talking French professor, and having doors opened for me. The door thing is always weird. I mean, if a person opens one door for you, are they going to open the next one? Some door situations:

1. when walking in the same direction as someone who opens a door for me, I usually speed up the pace so I wont have to attempt to figure out if they are going to open the next door for me. In addition, it is very awkward when people who are walking a good distance ahead of me hold open the door for an uncomfortable amount of time.

2. when walking in the opposite direction it awkward when the person has to pull the door toward them. If you are already at the door, they usually let you go first, but you have to walk past them, which is weird.

3. when walking in the same direction, the person walks through the door and reaches back to hold the door open. People always look uncomfortable doing this... I dunno, I am a fan of giving the door a hearty push behind me and if they don't catch it in time, they can open their own door...

I guess I would rather think about the oddness of chivalry than how stupid I feel every day of grad school...

Quote: "My heart is for my family. My brains and balls are for business." - dude from Cinderella Man

Weird Week

For several reasons this has been a strange week. I had been in a very strict routine and now its totally mixed up. I ran into PhDreamy yesterday and was totally ridiculous again. I am fairly certain he thinks I am crazy. I am completely thrown off guard when he tries to make conversation with me. Maybe it's just a phase. Thanksgiving is tomorrow, which will be fun, but I am sad I wont get to watch football. In addition, research pressure is increasing (publish or perish) so I will spend a significant amount of time in the coming weeks in the lab.

It's been a pricey week as well:

Price of seeing Casino Royale: $10.50 plus a broken toe

Price of a pedicure and eyebrow wax: $31 plus getting rear-ended

Quote from my favorite no-idea-what's-going-to-come-out-of-his-mouth professor: "This could be anything... it could be temperature for god's sake. I have no idea why I said 'for god's sake', thats really weird."

[This post is very scattered, but it's the best I can muster right now.]

Resolution

I have decided that, with the exceptions of new years and vegas, I am not going to drink hard liquor for the next 6 months. This decision has come from two reasons:

1. If I am not in a comfortable and happy environment/mood when drunk, there is a possibility that I will become loud, obnoxious, and say things I dont mean.

2. Liquor messes with my stomach. This makes it difficult for me to concentrate and work out the next day. I am very busy and can't afford extra obstacles in my life; especially since I am on campus every day.

p.s. I am in triple digit posts now... crazy

Suspicious of Happy

I walk into my meeting with my professor and I am in a fairly good mood. I smile and say hello. He is instantly suspicious. "Why are you so happy?" I reply, "I dunno", with a grin. He immediately asks, "Do you have a [new] boyfriend?" Why would he assume my happiness is based on others? I find it odd that a single angry man in his 30's would assume that. In addition, my poor mood at meetings is usually due to Frenchie making me angry. Basically, he is telling me to be happier and sleep more and such, or he is suspicious as to why I would be happy. It's really a no-win situation.

This situation somehow reminded me of this guy, Dr. W, from Idaho. A guy in my program said he thought I would marry someone like Dr. W. I hope I will be so lucky. I don't think there are guys my age like him. Dr. W is accomplished and agressive in a professional atmosphere, chill socially, and totally thinks the world of his wife. He told me when he introduced his future wife to his brother, he said, "wow, she's intense". He replied, "yeah" in a loving sigh. Most guys think 'intense' or 'complicated' or 'opinionated' are bad things in a woman. Dr. W realizes, like I do, that 'complicated' people are interesting. I don't want to spend 50 years of my life with someone who is boring. I mean, with the stresses of a great career and a family, having a spouse that still surprises you and can be part of new conversations is amazing. I mean, I am not really expecting to get married soon or anything, but I am a little disheartened as to the attitude of most males in my generation.

Sidenote secret: recently, for the first time in a year, I have butterflies in my stomach and stammer on like a complete idiot (more than usual at least). I am loving every second of it. I think I will stick with crushes on strangers for awhile... it's never disappointing and doesn't involve a time commitment.

Motivations

Even though I sometimes struggle with academic problems, at least there is a solution to them. I wish social situations and emotions followed logic. I get totally overwhelmed when i am faced with situations or people I dont understand. This is why I am bad with relationships. There are too many reasons possible for a single action, and sometimes there is no reason at all. Here are some reasons I've dated (using the term casually) guys:

1. I was bored
2. He was interested and eventually grew on me
3. He was good on paper (safe)
4. I was attempting to get over my feelings for someone else (doesn't work!)
5. I actually liked him

okay, so, number 5 is the most logical, but has only happened once. It seems so obvious to me that you shouldnt date someone for any other reason. I had this dream recently that I started dating this guy again (who I dated for reason number 4) and totally hurt him again. I mean, I dont set out to hurt anyone's feelings or anything... but it is difficult for me to pinpoint motivations when I am actually in the situation. Hindsight is 20/20. All the same, I think I am at a point where I am more self-aware and will avoid reasons 1-4 entirely. That's the goal at least...

In other news: I am finishing midterms and interviewing for jobs. I am totally stoked about winter break... only about 5 weeks of class left...

Lacking Fundamentals

when you picture an absent-minded professor, he's old, right? Well, I am already absent-minded. I just got locked out of my cubicle because I grabbed gum instead of my keys. I put things back in the wrong places. I woke up yesterday and took a good two minutes to figure out what day it was. Oh man. It doesnt help that I dream about math and classes and my professors. It's like my brain is constantly thinking about academic problems and ignoring instinctual stuff. Hopefully it's just a grad student phase thing. And there is an upside: I rarely think about social drama, well, compared to how I normally completley overanalyze situations and people.

Note on the title: I have a professor who always says we are 'lacking fundamentals'