Hell in a Hyundai

Help! Help! I've lost my speech filter! I have done many things that would warrant a trip to 'Hell' (by strict Catholic standards), and this is one of them. Today at work I said something out of character for me...and kind of messed up. I blame it on working and living with obscene males everyday.

ME: I used to educate small children about the dangers of tobacco.
SMART-ASS COWORKER: Only the small children?
ME: yeah, the fat kids should smoke.

Other quotes:

"Liquor makes strangers friends and friends enemies."- A gorgeous witty blond
"I have dipped my toe in the lake of Buddism" - the same amazing female
"You shouldn't spend $16 on lipgloss if you can't afford to put gas in your car." - my mother
"You could be the smartest person in the world, but it doesnt change the fact that you jackoff every night into a sock." - Ty